What Stoics Don't Do
Ever felt uneasy after sharing something personal with friends? Wondered if you’ve crossed the line between honesty and oversharing? The truth is, Stoics mastered the art of balance in relationships. They understood that some things are best kept private—not out of secrecy, but out of wisdom.
According to Marcus Aurelius, “If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.” This principle applies directly to how we handle personal information. Oversharing can weaken friendships, while maintaining a sense of discretion strengthens them. The obstacle is the way—choosing restraint over impulse leads to stronger, more resilient bonds.
Is It Okay to Not Tell Your Friends Everything?
Yes. In fact, it’s necessary. Friendship thrives on trust and understanding, but that doesn’t mean you need to share every thought or detail of your life. Epictetus lectures remind us, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Keeping some things private allows you to cultivate inner peace and prevents unnecessary complications in relationships.
The founders of Stoicism taught that self-control and wisdom go hand in hand. By being mindful of what we share, we practice the 4 principles of Stoicism: courage, wisdom, justice, and temperance. This balance ensures that we maintain meaningful friendships without burdening others.
Things You Should Never Tell Your Friends
1. Family Matters
Family drama can be intense, but sharing too much can make your friends uncomfortable. As Zeno of Citium said, “Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue.” Protecting your family’s privacy not only respects them but also prevents external opinions from influencing your actions.
2. Personal Success
While it’s great to celebrate achievements, constantly bringing them up can come off as arrogant. Marcus Aurelius advised, “Receive without pride, let go without attachment.” Let your success speak for itself without the need for validation.
3. Past Mistakes
Mistakes are lessons, not conversation starters. Seneca reminded us, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” Bringing up past errors unnecessarily can alter how others see you and even invite judgment. Instead, learn from them privately and move forward.
4. Financial Troubles
Money talk can strain friendships. Constantly discussing financial struggles—or even wealth—can make things awkward. The most famous Stoics knew that true wealth lies in contentment, not possessions. Keep financial discussions to a minimum unless seeking genuine advice.
5. Deep Insecurities
Obsessing over your flaws can diminish your self-esteem in the eyes of others. Marcus Aurelius said, “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” Work on your insecurities privately or with a trusted confidant, rather than making them a frequent topic of conversation.
Do Stoics Still Exist?
Absolutely. Stoic principles continue to influence millions today, from successful entrepreneurs to athletes and thinkers. The daily Stoic habits encourage self-discipline, resilience, and emotional intelligence. Amor fati—the love of fate—teaches us to embrace life’s ups and downs with acceptance rather than complaint.
Never Complain, Stoic
Cato the Younger (95–46 BCE) was a Roman statesman and Stoic philosopher known for his unwavering integrity, self-discipline, and resistance to corruption. He was a fierce opponent of Julius Caesar and became a symbol of Stoic resilience, choosing to die by suicide rather than live under tyranny.
Cato’s relevance to Stoicism lies in his extreme commitment to virtue. He embodied discipline, courage, and the refusal to be swayed by external circumstances—key Stoic principles. His life demonstrated how to endure hardship with dignity, making him an enduring role model for modern Stoic practitioners.
Cato’s philosophy was built on discipline and strength. He believed in facing adversity without self-pity. The 30-day Stoic challenge encourages practicing this mindset daily. Instead of complaining, focus on solutions. As Epictetus advised, “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”
Can Stoics Be Happy?
Yes, but not in the fleeting, pleasure-seeking way many people chase happiness. Stoic happiness is about inner peace, clarity, and acceptance. The most famous Stoic philosophers, like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius, taught that joy comes from living virtuously, not from external circumstances. Happiness is found in self-mastery, not indulgence.
Are Stoics Emotionless?
No. Greek Stoics were not robots—they simply controlled their reactions. “Clarify your intentions,” Epictetus instructed. It’s not about suppressing emotions but understanding them and responding wisely. The famous Stoic philosophers mastered emotional intelligence long before modern psychology.
How Do Stoics Deal with Mistakes?
With reflection, not regret. The daily Stoic practice involves acknowledging mistakes, learning, and moving forward. “Never tell yourself you are too weak,” Marcus Aurelius urged. Instead of dwelling on failures, Stoics use them as stepping stones to growth.
Watch Level Stoic Video - Secret Stoics Never Tell Friends
Be Stoic, Meaning Keep It Balanced
The wisdom of the most famous Stoics teaches us that discretion is key. We don’t have to share everything to maintain deep friendships. Instead, by focusing on the quality of our interactions, we cultivate trust, respect, and resilience. As Seneca said, “As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.”
